This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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