dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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