i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
