I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
