Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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