She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The air was thick with penises
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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