I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
