Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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