Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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