Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
