Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
