So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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