My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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