This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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