it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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