Small penises have feelings too.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
