The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
