she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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