Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
