Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
