When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
