i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
