My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
