Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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