Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
