i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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