Banned from zoo.
Again?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
