hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
In America we eat man semen.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
