I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
