Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
