i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
