Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
