Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
