there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
