She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
