I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
