Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
