So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
