I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
