My nipple is on Facebook.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i barfeds in our rink
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
