It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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