woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
