he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He shit in the fireplace
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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