i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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