hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
