Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
