8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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