you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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