Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
