just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
