I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
