I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
