Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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