This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
