Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
