Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
